First Kiss
by Genevieve Darcy Granger
Summary: Rick is a young widower at his first Pride Parade, finally coming to terms with his identity. Negan only solidifies it. Modern AU - No Zombies.


Rick felt incredibly overwhelmed – and maybe a little silly – for coming here. He had to wonder how this happened, but he knew exactly how it happened.

...

After Shane had left soon after Lori died, Rick had been on desk duty, juggling a new baby and a precocious son lashing out. But now that he was back in the saddle, he had to have a partner. That's where Tara came in.

Now Tara was one of the newest addition to the station and Rick's new partner. As far as partners go, she wasn't bad at all. She knew all the standard procedures forwards and backwards since she was straight out of the academy, but she wasn't a stickler per se. Rick found himself laughing a lot with her because of her peculiar sense of humor. In a lot of ways, she reminded him of Carl. Like for her humor, but namely for how young she was. So, Rick felt protective and took upon a paternal role around her.

One day he had noticed that she was a little withdrawn and unusually skittish. It was a slow day, just directing traffic of the carpool line at the elementary school. Rick took the opportunity to ask Tara what had her so fidgety, and she just blurted out in typical Tara style, "I like girls."

A little confused, Rick blinked and tilted his head. "Okay."

She took that as her que to babble freely to him now, finally getting everything off her chest. "I wasn't allowed to be like that growing up. At the academy, I still couldn't say anything either. But now I've got a job, and I want to be able to date and bring around my girlfriend and call her my girlfriend."

"Tara," Rick began in his fatherly way with seemingly infinite patience, "that's okay. No one at the station is going to say anything to you. If you want, you can bring around your girlfriend."

In a rush, Tara asked him, "Will you go to the Pride Parade with me, Rick?"

He blinked at her again and tilted his head to the other side. "Come again?"

"Well, it's just that I'm new around town," she began to explain, "The Pride Parade in Atlanta would be the first one I could go to now, and I don't want to go alone. I just figured that since we've worked together for a while that we're friends, right, Rick?"

"Of course, we're friends, Tara," Rick assured her, a little touched by her confession. Initially, he had thought that she might scoff at him for being an old man, but on more than one occasion she had told him that he was very 'cool dude'. Not even Carl would say that to him anymore.

"So, you'll go with me?" Tara asked him again, the hopeful look on her face reminding Rick of the expressions Carl and Judith had when they begged to have McDonald's for dinner. He couldn't say no to Tara any more than he could say no to his own kids.

Still, Rick hesitated, and he hated himself for hesitating, but hesitate he did. He thought of his neighbors, Aaron and Eric, and wondered if he should just ask her to go with them instead. In truth, since Lori died, Rick had been lonely and he had started thinking of dating again, but he was scared. Scared to put himself out there knowing he had kids to raise, scared of rejection, but most importantly, scared that he couldn't be himself. He had always been attracted to women and men, but – much like Tara – couldn't express it, especially back in his day. Now, though, he could date whoever he wanted freely, and almost nothing was stopping him. Nothing except himself anyway.

"I'll go, Tara," he finally promised her, and Tara hooked her pinky with his to seal the deal. Smiling, she pushed down her shades and looked out the window, back to her usual upbeat mood. Despite his own inner dilemma, Rick smiled a bit, too.

...

But that was then, and this is now. Rick had told Carl that he would be going with Tara this weekend to the Pride Parade. Carl only asked if he could have money for pizza and invite Enid, Ron, and Sophia over. Rick relented, passing over a twenty-dollar bill, and reminded Carl that if he needed any help with Judith, he could call either Carol, Beth, or Olivia. In typical teenaged fashion, Carl rolled his eyes and shrugged him off. That was one hurdle down.

Now that they were here in Atlanta, though, Rick was so nervous, unsure on what to do. Tara was having fun at least. They had ended up carpooling with Aaron and Eric, and they ended up bumping into another couple Rick knew: Andrea and Michonne. They were partners at a law firm, so Rick occasionally ran into them in court. They were nice ladies, but Rick hadn't known they were married, he just thought they were partners at their firm. That just goes to show how unobservant Rick can be at times.

Gathered together, Andrea and Michonne were talking to Tara, boosting her up and calming her nerves. Aaron turned to Rick and told him, "Erik and I are going to look for our friend Jesus." To be heard in the crowd, Aaron had to raise his voice, "Jesus usually brings a huge flag, so we shouldn't take that long to find him."

"Okay," Rick said, and then he was left alone. Unsure of himself now, Rick found himself wandering.

The Parade hadn't started yet. A lot of people were still putting the finishing touches on their signs or doing last-minute meet ups much like Aaron and Eric were. Unintentionally, Rick got a little loss, surrounded by people he didn't know. As he spun around searching for his friends, a deep and gruff voice that sounded like it was coming from right behind him, called to him, "Gay?"

Immediately, Rick turned towards the voice and startled at the closeness. Then he saw the stranger's face – how could he not when the man was leaning in so close – and Rick flushed. He was undeniably a handsome man, and he looked like the kind who knew exactly good he looked in his studded, black leather jacket. How that man could wear that in this hot weather during a parade no less was no small feat to Rick. Looking back up at the stranger's amused, dark eyes, Rick realized he was opening staring. "Come again?"

The stranger grinned such a shit-eating grin at that, and Rick realized the accidental innuendo too late. The man's tongue swiped over his florescent white teeth smugly, but otherwise didn't comment on it aloud. "I said gay," he repeated, and cocked his head like a puppy.

Since the man had closed the distance between them, they didn't have to shout to be heard. Rick was grateful for that, but was more than a little nervous at the lack of personal space. This man was too handsome. "Oh, well, um, no."

The man leaned back, hips thrust forward, and Rick blushed. Like a salesman, he announced, "Alrighty, then, are you bi or pan or ace? I've got fucken' buttons if you wanna represent." He held open his leather jacket where there were indeed several buttons of various colors. Tara told Ric they were for the different flags of the spectrum. "Usually younger people can't buy or make their own shit, but you look like this is your first time at one of these shit shows."

Ducking his head in embarrassment at how obviously he seemed to stand out, Rick mumbled, "I'm just here for my friend, Tara."

"No shit? Huh. Well do you think she wants a button? I'm not gonna charge for them, I just always carry around extra fucken' buttons. Was my wife's idea."

Looking up at the man again, Rick shifted from foot to foot. "Yeah? Where is your wife?"

At that the stranger listed to the side, letting his jacket fall shut again. His salesman persona dropped. "Oh, she died a couple of years ago. Fucken' cancer."

Immediately, Rick felt a connection that was more than just the simple attraction. "My wife passed a few years ago, too. Complications from birth." Rick wasn't sure why he had to tell this man this – he didn't even know his name – but something compelled him to. Maybe it was the familiar look in his eye of old grief. That reminded Rick, though, that he didn't know who he was talking to. "Rick Grimes," he introduced himself, sticking out his hand politely.

There was that shit-eating grin, and the man shook his hand vigorously. "Hi there, Rick. I'm Negan." Negan clapped him so hard on the shoulder that he stumbled forward with a grunt, and Negan released the strong grip he had on Rick's hand to hold him steady.

"Thanks," Rick mumbled, catching himself on the lapels of Negan's jacket and looking up into the man's enticing dark eyes. This interaction had Rick more than a little dazed. This man reminded Rick of a puppy for all intents and purposes. But a big Rottweiler puppy that wasn't aware of how big and scary he looked, as if he didn't know his own strength. Too long of a moment passed and Rick still hadn't let go. Blushing again, Rick tore his eyes away, staring forward at Negan's chest. Before he stepped back, though, he curiously touched the pin Negan had on one lapel. It was striped pink, purple, and blue. Rick wasn't sure of what that meant, he only knew about the rainbow one.

Negan let him touch the button, and then he explained, "This is the bi flag. I swing both ways, sometimes violently with a bat." At Rick's furrowed brow, Negan smiled wider and added, "I coach fucken' baseball for a high school. You?"

"Sheriff's deputy," Rick replied, and he made the mistake of looking back at Negan's face. When he smiled there were dimples, and his eyes crinkled in the corners. It was cute. Flustered, Rick dropped his eyes back to the button.

"Sure, you're not gay, Rick? Bi?" Negan asked so casually.

Rick struggled with his answer. "No? I don't know."

Shifting his weight from foot to foot, Negan leaned back again, tilting his head in an attempt to catch Rick's gaze again. Negan had always been a sucker for blue eyes and a blush. "You want me to help you find out?"

Startled, Rick glanced back up at him sharply, and that blush fanned across his cheeks and down his neck. Rick wasn't sure who closed the distance, but all he knew was that in the next moment he had his lips pressed to Negan's slightly chapped ones. The kiss was different, not what Rick expected. It was wet, and the texture of Negan's facial hair brushing against the sensitive skin around his mouth sent shivers down his spine. But the kiss was also sweet and relaxed, pleasant. And Rick thought that though this was nothing like how he and Lori used to kiss, he liked this kissing, too. He suspected it had to do more because he was kissing Negan, and that Negan knew how to kiss.

They didn't break apart until Rick felt Negan's calloused fingertips trail across the back of his neck. It made Rick pull away with a small grin. "Sorry, that just tickled."

In response, Negan chuckled, and Rick felt his heart stutter and the proverbial butterflies in his stomach. His ears were pink now from his excessive blushing, and his bottom lip was swollen from Negan's gentle abuse. "Well, Rick, I think you have your fucken' answer, now."

"Yeah." Rick's voice was a little hoarse, and he cleared it nervously. His hands had a death grip on the lapels of Negan's jacket, and he finally let go, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep himself from drawing Negan in for another kiss.

There was a lull in the conversation, but it was comfortable rather than awkward as they stared hard at each other. It was Negan that broke the silence first, "Oh, well, since you know now." Negan reached in his jacket and pulled out one of the buttons. He passed it to Rick, and when Rick opened his hand, he saw it was the same kind as the one Negan was wearing. Rick smiled at the button and attempted to put it on, but he was having trouble. "Here, lemme fucken' help ya out," Negan took the pin back and his nimble fingers had no problem pinning the button to Rick's shirt without nicking his skin. Negan fondly patted Rick's chest and then leaned back, admiring him. "Looks fucken' nice on ya, Rick. Really brings out the blue in your eyes and the pink of your cheeks."

Rick didn't think he could blush anymore, but Negan proved that wrong. "Well, I better get back to my friends."

"I can help ya find them if ya want," Negan offers, so eager to help. "Who are ya with?"

"Uh, we could look for Jesus. He has a big flag apparently."

"I know the guy." Negan motioned for Rick to follow and then grabbed Rick's hand. Together they cut through the crowd, and it was easygoing considering how the breath of Negan helped him shoulder through people. Sure enough, Negan lead him confidently to Jesus who had a huge rainbow flag hanging off his shoulder. "Sup, Jesus."

"Negan," Jesus greeted him and looked over his shoulder, "You must be Rick. We were looking for you."

"Yeah, I, uh, got a little lost and Negan helped me out."

Jesus looked down at Rick's hand which was still clasped tightly to Negan's. "Okay, well, we're about to start soon."

"Where'd you get that button, Rick?" Tara interrupted, and Rick looked at Negan.

Instantly, Negan shifted back into that salesman persona. Refusing to let go of Rick's hand, he held open his jacket on one side with his free hand. "I got a fuck ton of buttons if you want one, kid."

"Cool! I want a rainbow one if you have it."

"Sure fucken' do!" Negan jovially responds and offers her one.

Watching them, Rick smiles at the interaction. And then he finds himself asking Negan, "March with us?"

Negan looks back at Rick with a charming smile, "Sure, Rick. I'd love to."


End file.
